Diving into BDSM for the first time can be an exciting adventure, and it doesn’t have to be as intimidating, edgy, or costly as you might think. Here are some beginner-friendly tips to help you get started on your BDSM journey.
1. Start with Anal Play
Anal play is a great way for beginners to explore kink. The sphincter has more nerve endings than many other parts of the body, making it a highly sensitive area for stimulation. You can experiment with anal beads, stimulators, butt plugs, or even prostate massagers. These tools offer a variety of sensations that can be both pleasurable and exciting. (For more tips, check out Your Top 10 Questions About Anal Play - Answered!)
2. Use What You Already Have
You don’t need to invest in expensive bondage gear right away. Everyday items like scarves and stockings can make excellent restraints and blindfolds. When trying bondage for the first time, it’s safer to have your partner lie down before restraining them, rather than standing, to avoid any accidents. When tying restraints, remember the two-finger rule: you should be able to slip two fingers between the restraint and the skin to ensure it’s not too tight. (Learn more in The Ins and Outs of Rope Bondage.)
3. Experiment with Sensation Play
Bondage can heighten visual stimulation for the Dominant and increase the submissive’s trust, but it also enhances sensation play. Try alternating between dripping soy candle wax (which melts at a low, safe temperature of around 110 degrees) and running ice over your partner’s skin. Once you’re more experienced, consider using a violet wand or electro-stimulation to safely explore electric sensations. Nipple clamps are another fun tool, and you can test their intensity on your hand before buying. Blindfolds are also a great way to amplify the other senses, turning simple touches into more erotic experiences. (For more ideas, read Why Bondage Can Be So Much Fun.)
4. Try Spanking
Before investing in a paddle, crop, or flogger, try using your hand for spanking. It’s the most accessible tool and allows you to gauge your partner’s comfort level. If you decide to purchase spanking implements, consider starting with a paddle that has leather on one side and a softer material on the other. Thin wooden paddles are great for light taps on the genitals, while wood and silicone paddles offer more intensity. For beginners, flappers, riding crops, and suede floggers are excellent choices that can be used lightly or with more force. Always aim for soft tissue areas to avoid injury. (For more tips, read Your Hand, My Ass: Erotic Spanking for Beginners.)
5. Don’t Break the Bank on Toys
Do you need to splurge on handcrafted or premium BDSM toys? Not necessarily. While higher-end toys made from durable materials might offer more comfort and longevity, many novelty items from sex shops work just as well for beginners. Before making a big investment in BDSM gear, make sure you’re committed to using it regularly.
6. Explore BDSM Communities Online
If you’re new to BDSM, it can be helpful to explore the submissive role first to understand the experience from both sides. BDSM is similar to a dance, where one partner leads and the other follows. Beginners might also benefit from seeking advice from a mentor or joining online communities and message boards, such as FetLife, to connect with others who share their interests.
7. The Brain Is Your Most Powerful Sex Toy
More important than having the right toys is understanding the power of the mind in BDSM and sexual play. Sex isn’t just about physical sensations—it’s also about what happens in your head. Communication is crucial when exploring kink. Talk openly with your partner about what turns you on (and what doesn’t) and use that knowledge to enhance your experiences together.